Listen to me world.. please somebody
Okay so i’ve really gotta get something off my shoulders right now.. and I hope it’s okay that the tumblr world is listening. I am so tired of looking around and being conditioned to be something that I am not. I look at photos of myself when I’m with friends. I get it. I don’t look like your average male. I know that already. People ask me questions, people stare. I know i’m not your stereotypical genderized male foot ball player. The other day I was talking to my father on the phone (him and I don’t speak very often), and he advised me to stop wearing such “flamboyant,” clothing. He told me I was scaring people away. “And don’t go to that job interview on Monday wearing yellow tights!” WTF I don’t even wear yellow tights!!! I am a trained mental health professional. This actually really hurt my feelings. Like BIG TIME hurt my feelings. Than I tried to look at myself objectively, and I thought to myself “Do I really scare people away with how I dress?” The truth is, ever since I took sociology I don’t see gender as something we are born with. Yes — we are born with a penis or a vagina. But in the end its societal expectations that decide how we should act in order for us to be categorized as a man or a woman. If you ask 52 people to draw a picture of what they think a man looks like, chances are 87% of the people in the room will draw similar pictures of what a stereotypical male looks like: muscles, brief case, maybe a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, —goes to the gym every 5 minutes. Ask people to draw a girl? What will they draw?— A short, toothpickish awkwardly huge boobied drone that doesn’t ask questions and does what she’s told. I AM NONE OF THESE THINGS. Just because I don’t follow the dominant ideologies of our fucked up consumerist north american idealist nation does not mean that I am some alien from outer space. According to Abraham Maslow the famous humanistic psychologist.. everyone is fighting for basic needs in order to survive. But the main goal in life is to become self actualized, to define yourself with who you are as an intelligent being not identifying your egoic sense of self with what you wear or what you own, and how much you wish to conform to what you are told is “NORMAL.” I don’t think I should have to apologize for being really pale, looking awkwardly skinny, and having strawberry blonde hair. I think I am perfect the way I am. So what? I show my emotions more then most guys.. maybe I would rather go to a starbucks and order a venti chai soy latte and read gabor matte then go to a hockey game or play football and get married and buy a hummer. I can’t stand beer, and I’m not attracted to women. I would rather give a homeless person a sub, then scratch a lottery ticket— and I would rather stay at home drinking coffee , sitting in the grass than going out boozing for a weekend. What exactly is normal, and why should I have to live up to this unrealistic role of who I should be. I thought I was a pretty good human being. I volunteer at homeless shelters, I’m going into a profession to help people with addictions, my dream is to fly overseas and help with indonesian food aid. Am I really that bad? I am tired of people passing judgment upon me just because of the way I look. I am a fucking human being too man. Jeepers.
